Relational Dialectics: when tensions and stress are high in a romantic relationship, each person struggles with their identity and feelings. It puts a strain on the relationships and having to deal with two individuals coming from two different backgrounds (Communication, 2014).
There are three most common dialectics in a relationship (McCornack, 2015) that are used:
Openness vs. Protection - when we get deeper into a relationship, we share more intimate details about ourselves. We like to be able to have an emotional bond with someone and feel like we can tell them anything. We naturally do this by exchanging personal information about ourselves. But, we also still want to keep a part of our private thoughts and feelings hidden, or else we would have nothing to keep on our own, and we've lost that privacy (McCornack, 2015).
Autonomy vs. connection - we like to bond with our partner, but it gets too much for us when we feel disconnected from our own selves. We feel we are blending as one with our partner, instead of two individuals in a relationship. (McCornack, 2015). Here is an example:
This is from Friends. Rachel is feeling like she needs a break from her relationship with Ross. They keep having the same fights which only brings up more tension for them as a couple. This is where Rachel says she wants to take a step back in the relationship.
3. Novelty vs. Predictability - this is about feeling secure with your partner, with the way they act and what they do. We can predict their feelings and behavior, usually. But, that can also lead to boredom in the relationship. As time goes on in the relationship, the "honeymoon" phase starts to wear off and there is no excitement or spontaneity. So, this is why it's important to not forget to have fun with your significant other and do something unpredictable to keep the spark alive (McCornack, 2015).
I have learned these concepts in my personal romantic relationship with my boyfriend as well. We have been dating for a couple of years, and sometimes we do fall into a routine like any normal couple would. I am a planner and a Type A person and don't do many surprises. However, he is the opposite. He has taught me to integrate these concepts into our relationship. Being open and honest, communication, building a strong connection are also key components to a great relationship.
References:
Communication, I. (2014, July 7). Relational Dialectics Theory. Communication Theory. Retrieved from https://www.communicationtheory.org/relational-dialectics-theory/.
McCornack, S. (2015). Interpersonal Communication and you an introduction. Bedford/St. Martin's.
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